Counselling for Chronic Pain.
It’s not uncommon for people living with chronic pain to be reluctant about seeking help from a therapist. For some, it feels like admitting that their pain isn’t real and that it is “all in their head.” Others don’t see how a mental health provider could help with something they see as a physical issue. […]
Trauma Cycles
I have been thinking recently about cycles, and cycles of trauma in particular. As I examine what is happening in our world today, I can only conclude that we have not moved past our traumas very well. We are in a constant state of amnesia and denial, repeating atrocities done to us to others. In […]
Are Your Symptoms From ADHD or Trauma? Or both?
Suppose you’re considering therapy because you’re experiencing things like anxiety, difficulty concentrating, issues with motivation and organization, and big emotions that seem to come out of nowhere. In that case, you might be wondering if you’re dealing with the effects of trauma or if it’s ADHD. It could be both. As awareness and understanding of […]
Understanding that repair is one-sided.
Many people I work with find this difficult to understand, so in this post, I will discuss aspects of repair in relationships. Let’s start by acknowledging what we need to repair in a relationship. That might seem obvious, but let’s lay the foundation. It begins with a communication or action by your partner that leaves […]
Are ‘parts’ real? A discussion of IFS and the use of our imagination.
So, I want to put IFS into perspective and discuss how we might see a “part.” Parts are not new. Conceptualizing our psyche as made up of parts is nothing new. Whether it is spirits, different energies, Freud’s Id, Ego and Superego, the true self and false self, seeing different systems of emotion, thinking and […]
The Shame Cycle Explained
This cycle of shame is hard to break. Understanding how this develops to find a way out and heal can be helpful. Here are the steps: A bad thing happened to me. When hurtful things happen in childhood, we don’t see that action as separate from ourselves. We haven’t developed the cognitive understanding that […]
How to change the Always/Never cycle in communication.
Many of us (myself included) have used the accusation you always__ or you never __ in arguments with loved ones. This is an all too common response that we refer to as the always/never cycle and if used consistently will erode trust and connection in an intimate relationship. You have likely been given well-meaning advice […]
Unveiling the Dance of Perfectionism, Anxiety, and Projection
In the course of our lives, we all use defenses—strategies safeguarding us from the pain of challenging emotions or memories. One common defense, known as “projection” or “projective identification,” involves attributing threatening feelings to others and identifying with those emotions. However, this defense can lead to frustration as we lack control over others’ feelings. This […]
Relational Trust
If I don’t trust you, can you trust me? If you don’t trust me, how could I trust you? If we want to trust each other, who is going to trust first? I’ll lower my guard if you start by lowering yours! In relational engagement where trust is the ointment that heals the wounds caused […]
The Importance of Trust in Therapy
Ideally, trust begins to develop at birth when the people who care for us are loving and attentive and our basic needs are met. We can live at ease, knowing that our world is safe, and feel free to grow and explore. As children, when we are dependent on people who are not consistently loving […]