Accepting New Clients

Couples Counselling for your Relationship

When Your Relationship Hits a Few Bumps

Our counsellors can provide clear, experienced guidance to help you create a loving, fun, and intimate partnership.

At Turning Point we are guided by and trained in a number of therapy approaches and we continue to stay updated on research about what works in our relationships today.   These include;

Welcoming Partners Who Identify As

Lesbian, gay, bi-, queer, and questioning
Cis, non-binary, trans-gendered, or gender nonconforming
Polyamorous, consensual-non monogamy, kink

We Understand That Relationship Counselling Can Be Daunting

Partners are often afraid that the counsellor will take sides, and the conflict happening in your relationship will escalate in couples counselling.  Or you may be worried that your partner may talk about things you are not ready for.

At Turning Point we are here to support both of you so that you talk honestly and get to those things that are meaningful between you.

Couples report that in couples therapy they have been able to talk more intimately,  and feel safer discussing difficult topics, and they have changed destructive patterns.

Relationship Challenges We Have Helped Overcome

  • Constant arguing and hurtful exchanges that are hard to control
  • You don’t seem to make progress because the same issues keep coming up
  • You are communicating in ways that make it harder to understand each other
  • You have lost your closeness and connection
  • There is a loss of trust because of betrayal
  • Discussions escalate into proving who is right or wrong
  • There is a lack of intimacy and sex life
  • You have been thinking about ending the relationship or fear your partner will leave
  • Parenting
  • Boundaries with extended family
  • Avoidance of conflict
    couples counselling

    Things That Impede Progress

    • Not giving it time
      Change is hard for you and your partner.  Change occurs in small increments.  Understanding that you both have difficult habits to change will go a long way.  It takes effort to stay conscious and improve your reactions to each other.   In other words, a couple of sessions are unlikely going to make long-lasting changes.
    • Only Focusing on your partner as the problem
      When we are in conflict we respond from the fight or flight part of our nervous system.   So we can approach couples therapy from this perspective where we are looking outwards preparing for danger and looking for danger.  Often when people start therapy they react to their partner as a danger.

      Even though there may be things we need to express to our partner that bother us it is important to look inwards.  Each of you will only become a  more effective partner if you can change your reactions and your patterns.   When we focus on waiting for our partner to do something it creates a stalemate.

    •  Focusing on solutions
      In couples therapy, there can be an understandable tendency for partners to want to jump to solutions before they understand what is behind their present strategies and reactions. This is not to say that working on ways you can do things differently is not useful.  However, it can be more productive to change how you think and feel as this will begin to change how you respond.   We tend to have a clear idea about what we need to do differently.  The hard question is why don’t we do it?
    • Avoiding emotional discomfort
      Maintaining emotional safety can cause your relationship to become dull and lack life.   No one feels comfortable about facing their fears or taking the risk to speak from the heart when the stakes are high, but it is the time we learn the most.
    • Being unprepared for sessions
      This is typically in the form of not knowing what you want to work on and being unclear about your goals both individually and together.   This can lead to talking about what is most on someone’s mind or going over the last fight you had.  Both of these are unproductive.   At the beginning of counselling we spend some time identifying your goals.   It is useful before each session to reflect on these objectives and the next step.

    So In Couples Therapy We

    • Develop a clear picture of each person's experience and position on the problem
      We hear from both of you about the difficulties you are having and assess the interactions and patterns that you have created with one another.  This is the first task of relationship counselling so we can together develop an understanding of the way forward.
    • Learn about the negative cycles you are involved in and how to work towards a healthy relationship.
      There are typical ways that all couples end up managing the disappointments and differences they encounter with one another. These develop into predictable patterns that you get stuck in.  Once we learn the dance you are having, we can work on changing how you respond.
    • Learn better skills in communication. 
      A large part of the difficulties in relationships is communication.   Being able to get your message across, hear each other, negotiate your differences, and successfully repair breaches that occur.  A common difficulty in communication is the emotional reactions that get in the way of expressing ourselves.  So a large part of therapy is exploring and helping to manage these responses.  This can lead to cycles of blame and defense or avoidance.  We do not automatically come with a communication manual when we enter relationships, and these bad habits are easy to develop. You will learn these skills
    • Work Through Family of Origin Legacy
      We all bring an understanding of relationships from our family of origin.  Often the unhealthy habits we create come from the things we have learned in our families.  We can develop a kind of sensitivity as a result of the emotional pain from past experiences.  We then brace against being hurt in our relationship.  If we remain unconscious of these effects we can not work to change them.