Why Do I Feel This Way? Understanding the Roots of Anxiety
Have you ever wondered, “Why am I feeling unsafe and anxious when everything around me tells me I am okay?” Why do some people breeze through life with confidence, while others are consumed by thoughts of danger and betrayal?
The quality of our lives is fundamentally dictated by our sense of security. When we are constantly feeling unsafe, our health, our relationships, and our ability to trust begin to erode. To change this, we have to look under the hood at how our nervous system actually creates our reality.
What if we are living in ongoing danger?
I want to acknowledge that many of us today are living in actual danger. If we are, then our feeling unsafe has layers of the present and the past that intensify it. We need to find allies, support and connections to help us through. This blog is about what we carry from the past.
The Three States of Your Nervous System
Our nervous system is a survival machine. It doesn’t care about our “happiness” as much as it cares about our “survival.” It operates in three distinct areas:
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The Connection Zone: This is where we are regulated and calm. We use our eyes, ears, and voice to engage with others. Even as children, we try to communicate to create safety.
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Fight or Flight: When the signals of danger increase, the connection part of our brain goes offline. We are flooded with adrenaline, our muscles tense, and our breathing becomes shallow.
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The Shutdown: If the threat feels life-threatening or inescapable, we “collapse.” This is where we feel numb, spacey, or powerless. It is a place of hopelessness where we feel we no longer have an impact.
The “Thousand Paper Cuts” of Trauma
Most people associate feeling unsafe with a single, dramatic event like an accident or an attack. While those are significant, we can also experience ongoing threats that feel like “a thousand paper cuts.”
Living in an atmosphere of constant criticism, the unpredictability of a parent’s addiction, or a lack of emotional attunement can be just as damaging as a single blow. Eventually, these “cuts” accumulate until we are living in a chronic state of crisis, even when the environment looks peaceful on the outside.
When Mistrust Becomes Your Armour
We aren’t designed to stay in “fight or flight” forever. If we do, our bodies begin to pattern our future responses based on that emergency.
Ironically, many people who are constantly feeling unsafe come to believe that their mistrust is what keeps them protected. They respond to the world as if they are in immediate danger when they are not. The physical tension that once helped them survive has become “armour” in the body and mind, making it impossible to let love or ease in.
How to Build a Foundation of Safety
True safety occurs when we can finally relax—not in a watchful defence, but in a welcome embrace of the present moment. Here is how we begin to shift:
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Releasing Traumatic Energy: To stop feeling unsafe, we must release the “stuck” energy from past traumas. Therapy is a vital space to do this, providing a controlled environment where your system can learn it is okay to let go.
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Seeking Healthy Connection: Connecting with calm, centred people—whether a professional therapist or a grounded friend—helps “re-tune” your nervous system.
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Developing Awareness: When you are in a moment of calm—at the beach, listening to music, or doing yoga—pay deep attention to that sensation. By noticing the difference between being “activated” and “calm,” you help the calm state grow.
Move From Fear to Love
Healing is the process of moving from a life of defence to a life of connection. As the old saying goes:
“Fear says, ‘I will keep you safe.’ Love says, ‘You are safe.'”
Start Your Journey to Calm
If you are tired of the exhaustion that comes with constantly feeling unsafe, it may be time to work with your nervous system rather than against it.
Would you like to schedule a session to explore these patterns and begin the work of releasing that old “armour”?