Not all childhoods are free and happy. Could Your Upbringing Be Affecting You?

Providing Childhood Trauma Counselling in Vancouver and across BC.

At Turning Point Therapy we are here to find your path to healing.

Relationships within our family powerfully shape who we are and how we feel about ourselves. These are the main consequences to family relationships that cause significant harm:

A belief that relationships are unsafe
A belief that you do not matter or belong
A tendency to blame yourself
Difficulty managing emotions

Many people experience difficulties in their relationships and personal lives. If you recognize any of the following, know that support and change are possible:

Here are common ways your childhood may impact you.

Relationship Struggles

Difficulty Forming and Maintaining Connections: Do you struggle to get close to others or find it hard to sustain meaningful relationships?
Challenges with Sexual Intimacy: Are you experiencing issues like low desire, trust problems, shame, or engaging in risky sexual behavior?

Personal Struggles

Low Self-Esteem: Do you hold a persistent negative view of yourself, doubting your worth and impact?
Self-Sabotage: Do you find yourself undermining your own success and happiness?
Impulsiveness: Do you often react emotionally and make decisions without careful thought?
Boundary Issues: Do you struggle with setting healthy boundaries, either being overly permissive or controlling?
Depression and Anxiety: Do you experience recurring periods of depression or anxiety, possibly linked to past experiences?
Perfectionism: Do you have unrealistic expectations of yourself, leading to procrastination and dissatisfaction?
People-Pleasing: Do you prioritize others’ needs over your own, leading to feelings of resentment and being used?
Anxiety and Fear: Do you experience general anxiety, panic attacks, or feel that the world is unsafe?

Recognizing Childhood Trauma: Signs of a Difficult Upbringing

While every family has its challenges, some experiences can leave lasting emotional scars. Recognizing these patterns is the first step towards healing. Here are some signs of a potentially traumatic childhood:

Abuse and Violence

Physical Abuse: Any form of physically painful punishment is abusive and unnecessary.
Sexual Abuse: This is a deeply damaging violation of trust, safety and innocence.
Physical Intimidation: Yelling, hitting, or destroying objects to create fear.
Witnessing Violence: Regularly seeing or hearing arguments and violence between parents or caregivers.

Emotional and Psychological Harm

Demanding and Critical Parents: Constant pressure and harsh criticism can erode self-esteem.
Shaming Your Feelings & Choices: Humiliating you for expressing emotions, belittling your decisions, and labeling you as “stupid.”
Hostile Communication: Judgment, belittling, humiliation, sarcasm, contempt, verbal attacks, ignoring, and negativity.
Emotional Fragility: Parents who react to challenges with emotional outbursts and use guilt to control you.
Threatening Abandonment: Using threats of being sent away or left behind to manipulate behavior.
Anxious, Fearful, or Unfulfilled Parents: Parents who project their fears and unmet desires onto you.
Debating Everything: Parents who constantly argue with you, creating a sense of powerlessness.
Gaslighting. Consistently telling you your experience and feelings are wrong. Causing self-doubt and confusion.
Scapegoating: Favoring one child over others, leading to feelings of rejection and isolation.
Intrusiveness: Lack of privacy, constant surveillance, and overbearing control.
Over-Protection: Excessive monitoring and a fear-based approach to life, hindering independence.
Inconsistency: Constantly changing rules and expectations, leading to confusion and criticism.
Providing no containment or consequence. Overly permissive and protective parenting leads to a lack of empathy and compassion for others. Creating an illusion of specialness and privilege that leads to a lack of resilience towards limitations.

Family and Enviromental Factors

Addiction: Dealing with the chaos or absence caused by a parent’s addiction.
Mental Illness: Navigating the inconsistencies and unpredictability of a parent with mental illness.
Using Children as Weapons in Divorce: Parents manipulating children to hurt each other.
Abandonment: One or both parents leaving the family or having inconsistent contact.
Adoption Trauma: The impact of separation from birth parents and potential challenges in adoptive families.
Cult or Religious Abuse: Systematic sexual, physical, and psychological abuse within a group setting.

Important Note:

Experiencing one or more of these does not automatically mean you have experienced relational/developmental trauma. However, if these experiences resonate with you, consider reaching out to a therapist or counsellor specializing in relational trauma.

The Way We Work: Intergrating Layers of Experience

Feeling Seen & Heard: Sharing Your Experience

It’s crucial to create a safe space to talk about what happened. You might have kept your experiences hidden, or perhaps past attempts to share were met with negativity. We understand the fear of opening up again. Releasing the weight of unspoken secrets can diminish their power over you. We’re here to listen without judgment and help you feel validated.

Building Trust & Navigating Relational Patterns

Forming a trusting relationship, even with a therapist, can trigger past anxieties and fears. Feelings of vulnerability, fear of judgment, or concerns about control are common. Many early experiences are stored as unconscious, “implicit” memories. These memories influence your behavior and physical responses in relationships, often without your awareness. Therapy provides a supportive environment to bring these unconscious patterns into the light and address them in the present.

Integrating Your Experience

In therapy, we pay close attention to the sensations, motivations, and emotions that arise. Early experiences become fragmented by stress, trauma, or betrayal. By focusing on these aspects, we can help you gradually integrate them into a more cohesive understanding of yourself.

Moving Forward: Creating Meaning & Living Authentically

Healing involves understanding how your past experiences shape your present life. We’ll work together to process negative thoughts and feelings, develop new perspectives, and discover what truly matters to you. This process involves learning to embody your experiences, rather than simply trying to think differently.

How to Get Started: Transforming Your Legacy

If you are ready to move past the limitations of your past, we are ready to work with you towards a freer future.

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