In the course of our lives, we all use defenses—strategies safeguarding us from the pain of challenging emotions or memories. One common defense, known as “projection” or “projective identification,” involves attributing threatening feelings to others and identifying with those emotions. However, this defense can lead to frustration as we lack control over others’ feelings. This dynamic is exemplified in the … Read More
The Connection Between Mistrust and Blind Trust
Many of my clients talk about trusting too easily, especially when something happens where they feel betrayed or let down. Often what follows is an examination about how they trusted this person too much. If they had been less trusting this wouldn’t have happened. I believe that blind trust and unhealthy mistrust are sides of the same coin. Both lead … Read More
Why we feel unsafe when there is no immediate danger
You might ask yourself why am I feeling unsafe and anxious when I everything around me tells me I am ok? Why do some people breeze through life with confidence and calm, and others are consumed by thoughts of danger and betrayal? We know our health, and the quality of our lives, are affected by the degree to which we … Read More
Do you struggle with wanting to feel normal?
I am not sure I have ever said ‘I want to feel normal.’ In fact, I think I have been one of those people at the other end of the spectrum who has made a point of being different and expressed my independence at every opportunity. Being unique and authentic has been a lifelong task. For me, it came from … Read More
Thoughts on being Depressed.
We know what the experience of depression is. When we are depressed our system shuts down. Our energy, our aliveness, our feelings, our motivation and creativity, and our will to truly live become muted and dampened. We mostly shut down gradually and imperceptibly. There is a stuck feeling to being depressed. Our feelings and thoughts come slowly and painfully. Depression is … Read More
Connecting with your emotions
Do you feel uncomfortable around emotions, yours and other people’s? Do your emotions feel irrational, painful, or too vulnerable? To suggest connecting to your emotions may be the last thing you want to do. When I encourage people to focus on their emotions I typically hear two responses.
The calming influence of mindfulness
Mindfulness at its core is nothing new. Bringing attention to our experience is fundamentally what mindfulness refers to. What is interesting is that the research confirms the benefits and provides us with information to inform our practice. One of the benefits is how we can practice mindfulness to calm emotional reactivity.
Breaking the cycle of Self-doubt
Self-doubt can become a habit that prevents us from making decisions, knowing our desires, or connecting with our experiences. This post addresses the impact of self-doubt and ways you can begin to reduce doubt around making decisions.