Delyse Ledgard RCC

Working With Partners

I have studied a number of approaches and the one that fits for me and I have found the most meaningful is Relational Life Therapy (RLT) by Terry Real.  Changing dynamics in relationships takes determination and willingness to look inward.  RLT helps couples to take an honest look at their behaviour with support and clarity.  I have been doing in-depth study and training in this approach for the past ten years.  I am walking the same journey as you. I came from a family where there was no healthy role model of loving, engaged and intimate relationships.  I have had to address my behaviour of over-functioning,  love-addicted and defensive style of interacting to get what I need.  I know how hard it is to face what my part was and not blame the other person. I will work with you in a direct and empathic way with each partner to help you achieve your goals and look inwards.

What to expect.

The first few sessions will assess what is going on between you now.  With an understanding that the past has brought you to this point, we will focus on what needs to change now.  To do this, we address a number of examples in detail of when you are both at your worst or things go off the rails,  so I can get a picture of how things play out between you.  This gives us a picture of where to start.  Sometimes I am focused on working more with one person, in particular, to help change their behaviour.  Behind many of your worst behaviours is a need to protect yourself from childhood pain, and habits that have developed as a way of getting what you need. There is a tendency to identify with protecting yourself and we often find it difficult to acknowledge the ways this is harmful to our relationship and our partner.  Or we may recognize that it is harmful and we want to change it but we don't know how.

Often couples who are ready to do this work find change begins after a few sessions. Then we go deeper into working on a new relationship and working through the developmental issues from their families and past relationships and practice new skills.

Another aspect of RLT  is the acknowledgment of discriminatory systems such as patriarchy and racism that  affects relationships between partners that have taught us who is better than, more entitled and the preferred ways of doing things that represent the dominant culture.  As a result Men are often at a loss to know how to be intimate and relational, or women how to be assertive. Relationships today are still affected deeply by the imbalance of power that runs through our society on many levels.

We will address family of origin work and the relational wounds that affect gender roles and conditioning that has been passed on.

We will also focus on developing skills that are missing to develop a loving and intimate relationship. In working on changing behaviour we are often working on boundaries, self-esteem, negotiation, giving feedback respectfully and successfully repairing hurts and disappointments.

Change is hard and our most intimate relationships are often the catalyst for us to become the best we can be. I am committed to helping you reach those goals and create a loving, respectful and vibrant relationship. Where your relationship is a sanctuary from life's stresses.

Common issues Partners have struggled with:

• Constant arguing and bickering.
• Sensitivity to emotional expression of their partner.
• Infidelity.
• Withdrawal and lack of participation.
• Defensive responses.
• Lack of respect for their partners experience.
• Feeling responsible for their partner or dependent on their partner for their well being.
• Ambivalent about being in the relationship or out of the relationship.
• Criticism and complaining.
• Lack of affection and intimacy.
• Difficulty with differences and limitations.
• Boundaries - loosing sense of self or hiding behind a protective wall.
• Difficulties with expressing desires to their partner.
• Distance, lack of affection, feeling disconnected.
• Not making time for each other.
• Torn between in-laws and partner.