Dynamics of control in relationships

We can all be controlling at certain times and perhaps most of us can relate to a need for control to feel in control of our lives.

In relationships, there are many moments that will come up to show us we have no control. People will invariably do things we don’t expect. They have their own thoughts, desires, feelings and choices. When these moments are mirrored back to us the person whose strategy is controlling will attempt to control their partner to feel OK rather than accept and respect their partner’s autonomy.

Very simply, control involves trying to stop your partner from doing what they want to do or trying to get them to do what you want them to do.   Many of us fail to see ourselves as controlling and I admit I had to learn this because we have lots of justifications for the things we are pressuring our partner to do or not do.

In this video, I identify many of the ways controlling behaviour shows up in relationships.

Awareness is always the first step in change.